Decided to take last minute leave to unwind.

Besides the point i cant seems to go to sleep yesterday, was tossing and turning around, many things on my mind that were driving me nuts!!

Most of it is because everyone seems to be moving on in life. And i just felt alone and scared that i will spend the rest of my life without somebody besides me when i go to sleep. The feeling is more real now than before and i dun like to deal with this because its showing my weakness.But i know its at this time God supposed to be nearby to tuck me to sleep and He is besides me everyday of my life. Worry of life sometimes clouded our vision of God.

---side point
Christmas around the corner, i have made a list of people to give presents to as well as cards prepared to write some encouragements. I have to start early as i will be leaving to spend time with my family on the 26th December till 5th Jan~

I miss them so much!! And i do feel this year i am able to have more communication with my parents over the phone than before, appreciate them calling at least once a week to let me know how they have been..

This year i wanna be super encouraging towards them and show them my love and not to get easily frustrated, i thank God that even though the year has been rough; with my sis gotten ill and having diabetes and incurring many cash loss due to medical bills, but more on emotional roller coaster and worried that she might nearly lost her life, at that point of time i realised money doesnt really matter!!

But it got me to think also that i need to get insurance to protect myself in case anything happened to me, my parents would not be able to help, but i will still have some money to survive.

I used to be bitter about my family situations and how i seems to be the only one able to support the rest, sometimes i want to save only for myself.. my schema of abandonment leaves me fending for my own right and security.

But i realise God puts me in all these situations to learn that my family is still my family and eventhough i could have lost all kind of security and comfort life, i couldnt bear to lose my loved ones, my dear family.