I just feeling much better now, maybe because many things are beginning to settle in.

Past few days I have been overwhelmed with all the planning, leading, organizing, and it get to the point where I want things to work out well and i just couldnt sit and wait for things to happen.

Maybe the instinct of being in leadership, makes me take charge to ensure everything will be okay, to make sure the team can win.

I didnt realise with these responsibility its also a time for humility. To get people to help and to work together as a team. Many of the responsibility i try to shoulder but when the outcome doesnt come out as how i wanted it too i get very dissapointed.

Oh well i am glad many of such are over and there is no point being discourage of not winning, just look at the brighter side of the story and that many has been a great lessons from God.

I am still learning..everyday.. now more aware that God is in control.

Anyway looking forward for single retreat and fellowships, i want to have more friendships in the singles with brothers and sisters and i am excited with some new found friends!!

Yesterday I went to the specs shop, but nobody was there to service me, for about 10 minutes i was walking here and there and a man asked me "Do you need anything? Feel free to browse and I will get back to you" then he went to serve other customers.

I don't really feel very comfortable as he didn't come to serve me, like asking me to sit and maybe he can take time to go through with me which type of specs will be nice for my face.. Hmm was I expecting too much??

In the end he came back again to me and said "I am sorry today we are short of people, not that we do not want to serve you but feel free to choose which type and I will get it for you"

I stood there for about 1 minute and decided not to take any chance to wait so that I wont need to face any disappointment.

I find my self dealing a lot in that type of situations right now. The feeling of rejection, abandonment, lead me to stop trying too hard, to stop waiting for something. What if the effort its not worth it? What if its just my own thinking/feeling? What if everything is not as good as I thought it will become?

Today message from God says that I should stop worrying about the future, each day has enough trouble of its own. Tomorrow will worry about itself.You have God so you can stop worrying, for worry doesn't change anything in fact in diminish our faith and trust in God.

My vision are getting worst each day, I think I need to get specs!!

TT I dread getting one as my face is so square, it never good with any kind of specs. But i kinda like the geeky look so perhaps i will that..

Did some editting on how i would look like with one these geeky glasses.

Check out my Travel Blog!! Haha but skin only.. not yet update any stories..

Decided to take last minute leave to unwind.

Besides the point i cant seems to go to sleep yesterday, was tossing and turning around, many things on my mind that were driving me nuts!!

Most of it is because everyone seems to be moving on in life. And i just felt alone and scared that i will spend the rest of my life without somebody besides me when i go to sleep. The feeling is more real now than before and i dun like to deal with this because its showing my weakness.But i know its at this time God supposed to be nearby to tuck me to sleep and He is besides me everyday of my life. Worry of life sometimes clouded our vision of God.

---side point
Christmas around the corner, i have made a list of people to give presents to as well as cards prepared to write some encouragements. I have to start early as i will be leaving to spend time with my family on the 26th December till 5th Jan~

I miss them so much!! And i do feel this year i am able to have more communication with my parents over the phone than before, appreciate them calling at least once a week to let me know how they have been..

This year i wanna be super encouraging towards them and show them my love and not to get easily frustrated, i thank God that even though the year has been rough; with my sis gotten ill and having diabetes and incurring many cash loss due to medical bills, but more on emotional roller coaster and worried that she might nearly lost her life, at that point of time i realised money doesnt really matter!!

But it got me to think also that i need to get insurance to protect myself in case anything happened to me, my parents would not be able to help, but i will still have some money to survive.

I used to be bitter about my family situations and how i seems to be the only one able to support the rest, sometimes i want to save only for myself.. my schema of abandonment leaves me fending for my own right and security.

But i realise God puts me in all these situations to learn that my family is still my family and eventhough i could have lost all kind of security and comfort life, i couldnt bear to lose my loved ones, my dear family.

i wish i could peep into the future and see which path did i take, and coming back to the present to change whatever necessary =P

often i find Life is pulling my legs,i am like a bunch of balloons hold by my dear Life, one time Life pulls me closer, and another time Life let me go

which one should i feel better? being hold on to and having that safety feeling "I will never let you go" or being let loose so i can feel the breeze and know i am free to fly, but that may leave me feeling empty and being let go

dear dear..why am i succumbing to this miserable hole

i cant hardly see the light, i think i should climb out of this hole and breath the fresh air and feel the breeze and welcome the warmth of the sun

and know that no matter how Life treats me

God is still in control of the greater things

i am in confusion, i need some decision
i asked God, so is this my desire plus your plan
or my desire plus my own way

could i be staying on the safe side of the road
or assuming to much

i don't really like to deal with this feeling right now
honestly i have never expected there will be this dejavu
is this a good thing? or just some kind of testing?

God, i told you before about my dream
but now you pours something that
i dun even know how to receive it

i have a new blogskin.

i had to, the previous skin's owner has not been visiting her account for 90days, so Photobucket has taken down her skin, so i was surprised to find my blog today dressed in Photobucket's logo.

yEew..so not cool.

LOL.

so i took sometime to create my own graphic..guarantee this kind of thing wont happen again.

anyway i did some clean up of my blogs and past posts..LOL and i found some really insteresting stuff tat i wrote before..I am quite amuse with my own wittiness..(self praised?..)

so I put them back for old time sake.

reminiscing.

Experience is that marvellous thing
that enable you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.

Bravery is being the only one
who knows you're afraid.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Franklin P Jones~

in my heart


I don't wish to be everything to everyone,
but I would like to be something to someone.

Javan~

so...


We come to love not by finding a perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Sam Keen~


finally..


Meeting you was fate,
becoming your friend was a choice,
but falling in love with you
I had no control over.
Unknown~

have u ever felt like screaming out loud but you know you couldnt do so??

excitement, frustration
dream, hope, expectation
wishes, desire...

i am having so much feelings right now
positives
negatives
even nonchalant

at this moment
i feel like screaming...

When you are infatuated, suddenly you take great interest in whatever he does well.

Your world spins around;the time he goes to bed; the time he has his dinner; or when he goes online..

You seems to know his schedule and plans and likings.

You have become obsessed!

Oh be careful dear self, you cant make him your God.

You are wasting so much time. Painting beautiful pictures about who you would like to be. Cant you see the whole world doesn't revolve around your being.

Instead, be true to those who truly cares for you.

As it matters to me to know you are okay deep inside.